Nonviolent Communication
A technique developed by Marshall Rosenberg. it is a way to communicate with greater compassion and clarity. It focuses on four things: honest self-expressionexposing what matters to oneself in a way that's likely to inspire compassion in others, and empathy listening with deep compassion.
One central tenet of nonviolent communication (also called "compassionate communication") is that everything a human being does (whether benign or hurtful) is an try to meet their human needs. NVC postulates that conflict between individuals or groups is a result of miscommunication about these needs, often because of coercive language or manipulative language (e.g., inducing fear, guilt, disgrace, praise, blame, duty, obligation, punishment, or reward). (Wikipedia)
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is based on the principles of nonviolence-- the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart.
NVC begins by assuming that they are all compassionate by nature and that violent strategieswhether verbal or physicalare learned behaviors taught and supported by the prevailing culture. NVC also assumes that all of us share the same, basic human needs, and that each of our actions are a strategy to meet one or more of these needs. (center of nonviolent communication)
Definition:
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a way of speaking that facilitates the flow of communication needed to exchange information and resolve differences peacefully. It helps us identify our shared needs, encourages us to use language that increases goodwill, and avoid language that contributes to resentment or lowers self-esteem.
Nonviolent Communication focuses our attention on compassion as our motivation, than fear, guilt, blame, or disgrace. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for our choices and improving the quality of our relationships as our aim. it is effective even when the other person or group is not familiar with the process(Rosenberg, 1999)
Useful Conceptual Frames:
1. Constructive Intent:
If you introduce positive energy in to a situation, it gets better. in the event you introduce negative energy, it gets worsethe Buddha said that there is no fire like desire, there is no anger like anger, there is no relationship better than trustbasically, were studying the nature of positive energy, how to create it, and how to implement it in the social field. You might take that as my definition of nonviolence for right now.(Nagler, 2006)
2. Human Needs Theory:
The basic problemlies not in conflicting positions, but in the conflict between each sides needs, desires, concerns, and fears.(Ury, 1983)
All human beings possess sure common needs irrespective of culture, ethnicity, religion, creed, caste, race and color.
Such as:
Food
Shelter
Safety
Affection
Security
Relatedness
Health
Respect
Esteem
Conflict among human needs made them insecure and violent and they fight for their needs and for their rights.
If one get to know about the require of other being compassionate and make other recognize about his require that can solve the conflict before it actually arises.
3. Three Faces of Power (Boulding, 1989-1990)
Threat Power Do something I require or Ill do something you dont want
Exchange Power Give me something I require and Ill give you something you want
Integrative Power Im going to do what I reckon is right, something authentic, and they will finish up closer
4. Conflict Triangle (Galtung, 1996)
Direct Violence Overt physical violence consciously perpetrated by a sending actor.
Structural Violence Indirect violence resulting from social structures.
Cultural Violence symbolic representations present in religion, ideology, language, art, science, law, media, schooling whose function is to legitimizedirect and structural violence.
Summary of conceptual frames and how they are integrated in nonviolent communication technique?
Constructive Intent Nonviolent Communicator seeks to introduce positive energy in to a dysfunctional and dehumanizing relationship dynamic.
Human Needs Theory Nonviolent Communicator seeks to communicate on a personal level in terms of needs, desires, concerns and fears than positions.
Three Faces of Power Nonviolent Communicator is exercising a kind of Integrative Power, than Threat or Exchange Power.
Conflict Triangle Nonviolent Communicator is more likely to intersect the discourse on the level of cultural violence, than in direct action confronting structural and overt violence.
four Purposes of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
1. Create human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving.
2. Create governmental and corporate structures
that support compassionate giving and receiving. (Marshall B. Rosenberg)
four Components of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Process
The concrete actions they are observing that are affecting our well-being.
How they feel in relation to what they are observing.
The needs, values, desires, etc. that are developing our feelings.
The concrete actions they request in order to enrich our lives.
1. Observation
Entails separation of observation from evaluation
Observations ought to be specific to time & context
Combining observations + evaluations often sounds like a criticism
2. Feelings
Requires us to distinguish between what they FEEL and WHAT they THINK
EX: I feel like he ought to know better.{expresses a thought not a feeling}
EX: I feel disappointed when he promises to drive within the speed limit and then gets another speeding ticket.{feeling}
3. Needs
Entails acknowledging the needs behind our feelings
What others say & do may be the stimulus, but never the cause of our feelings.
When a negative message is communicated to you, you are able to select to:
i. Blame ourselves
ii. Blame others
iii. Sense our own feelings & needs
iv. Sense the feelings & needs hidden in the other persons negative message
4. Request
Entails asking for actions that might fulfill our needs
Requires use of positive language
Requests ought to be clear, positive, concrete action
language that reveals what they want
Requests unaccompanied by the speakers feelings and needs may sound like a demand
To make sure that the message sent was the message received, ask the listener to reflect it back
What distinguishes a requestfrom a demand? (observe what the speaker does if the request is not complies with)
 Demand:
if speaker criticizes or judges; if speaker lays a guilt-trip
 Request:
speaker shows empathy toward the other persons needs
Skills associated with the technique of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) (center of nonviolent communication)
Differentiating observation from evaluation, having the ability to carefully observe what's happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviours and conditions that are affecting us;
Differentiating feeling from thinking, having the ability to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not insinuate judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;
Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e g sustenance trust understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what's happening and how they are feeling;
Requesting what they would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what they do require (rather than what they dont want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. trying to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, disgrace, obligation, etc. than out of willingness and compassionate giving).
four Primary Methods of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) technique (center of nonviolent communication)
i. Expressing honesty through the four components.
ii. Receiving empathically through the four components.
How Can one Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal, and Organizational Peace
I. Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how they would like to relate to ourselves and others.
II. keep in mind that all human beings have the same needs.
III. Check our purpose to see if they are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.
IV. When asking anyone to do something, check first to see if they are making a request or a demand.
V. in lieu of saying what they DON'T require anyone to do, say what they DO require the person to do.
VI. in lieu of saying what they wish anyone to BE, say what action we'd like the person to take that they hope will help the person be that way.
VII. Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone's opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.
VIII. in lieu of saying "No," say what require of ours prevents us from saying "Yes.
IX. If they are feeling upset, reckon about what require of ours is not being met, and what they could do to meet it, in lieu of thinking about what's wrong with others or ourselves.
X. in lieu of praising anyone who did something they like, express our gratitude by telling the person what require of ours that action met.
Conclusion:
The title and description of the book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Valuessays it all about the technique of nonviolent communication.
One can make the world a better place by adapting simple and key principals of nonviolent communication.
Human beings are compassionate and non-violent by nature. They communicate violently due to their insecurity of their basic human needs. If their needs, sentiments and difference of opinion are respected by others then they naturally return the good deeds.
it is very well said kindness never goes unrewarded
 Non-violent communication is the language of compassion which ought to be used more often to resolve conflicts among people not only on personal level but on societal, corporate, country and religious level.
 Educating people about NVC will bring peace and harmony among people and they will become more passionate while listening and giving other what they require respectively.
Equipping more people with the art of nonviolent communication will enable them to arbitrate among individuals, organizations and even between states so that their conflicts can be resolved in a way where needs of all stake holders are unanimously meet.
Special trainings for diplomats will help to create better bilateral or multi lateral relations between states so special emphasize ought to be put on this important area which can be a large step to make this world a better and quiet place.
