Human social relationships, to reach equilibrium, and are based on compensation, for example, "take and give". Let's talk about the compensation, which for humans is the most important and simultaneously most dangerous: about the balancing of opposite senses to achieve a balance within its own self.
If someone feels insecure in the relationship with the opposite sex, at a meeting with an important or famous person, speaking before a large audience, in a conversation in a foreign language, or in some other unusual situation, it is through exercise and experience of uncertainty can gain desired confidence. With the right attitude to the world the person is released from the uncertainty. Thanks to the development of contacts and deep affection loneliness disappears due to the high achievements and multiplies successes, strengthens self-confidence (Koller, 2000).
If we do what we need, the more often we are coping with the challenges and difficulties that the daily life offers us. So by addressing issues, overcoming the difficulties and successes we walk the path from the state of discomfort and irritability, frustration and bad mood to an inner balance.
Our "I" is in order, if we brought into balance its attitude to the outside world, but our state becomes dangerous when our sense of ourselves out of equilibrium. Our "I" falls at the opposite pole, and is included in the irreconcilable contradictions, opposites mutually reinforcing, conflict escalates. Delusions and depression, fears, aspirations begin to rotate in a circle (Diener & Diener, 2009).
Other people consider "modern" consciously cultivate selfishness, and they completely misunderstand the concept of "self." Some of our contemporaries exacerbate their own self-centeredness, when in search of its identity, engage in unhealthy narcissism. The fact that selfishness is declared as self-knowledge is often nothing more than a psychological dependence on the "I" (I - dependency).
Neither the controversial "I" - Psychology I, the super-ego, "I"- parent, and "I" child or faith-based teachings about morality or social norms of decency not led to an understanding of very important life principle: our conscience responsive to the trespassing normal sense of self. And it depends on our inner balance and our prosperity, so I want to describe the four basic sense of self (Diener & Diener, 2009):
Firstly : Self-esteem
Secondly : Satisfaction
Thirdly : Freedom
Finally : Self-confidence
At the same time we want to show and what happens when we lose the normal sense of self, they split into opposites. Opposites are multiplying, mutually reinforcing and, eventually, form a vicious circle. Along with self-esteem, there are two related opposites negative sense (Donnellan et al., 2005):
Firstly : reassessment of self and self-enforcement person (vanity, stubbornness, power pretensions and arrogance);
Secondly : underestimation of self, family, liberation of ourselves from the need to self-actualization, which is substituted by evasiveness and resourcefulness in order to obtain recognition and acknowledgment of this recognition, produced no real effort fruitful activities.
Self-esteem and self-acceptance by others are two different in many respects the opposite sense of self. The more calm and confident human respects himself, the less he needs to have recognition of other people. And vice versa: the more a person craves recognition, the more desperate boasts of their accomplishments, their property or bonds, the more wretched became his self-esteem.
I as a student master had clearly understood the difference between self-esteem and recognition (confirmation of itself). Confirmation is a statement of what man is capable (for example, reading and writing, foreign language learning, and the existence of the profession) (Mesibov, 1984).
Interest in the person of its attractiveness in the eyes of other people is also a confirmation. Recognition of individual develops confidence in himself, but no self-esteem. For such characters there is no true respect for your partner that is the basis for true love. Self-esteem is a very important sense of self, it belongs only to the person who has an absolutely clean and beliefs will inevitably act according to their convictions.
High self-esteem affects all fanatics - especially self-important characters: the confessional, political and public figures. There are scholars who confuse the value of their achievements with the value of his own persona. Many artists without a shadow of doubt constitute brilliant stars, although most of them probably still flying comets, rather than the fixed stars.
Normal self-esteem tends to people for whom it is natural to speak and act decently, fairly and in good faith in accordance with their beliefs. Arrogant pride is alien to these people as an alien and servile opportunism. Everyone needs to have a good instinct to recognize a decent modesty of people based on respect for you (Factor et al., 1990).
Normal self-esteem has people for whom to talk and behave decently, honestly, faithfully and in accordance with their beliefs - self-evident behavior. People who behave and act differently, and their way of life destroys self-esteem, learn easy. They always shift, looking for workarounds to implement their intentions. They find all sorts of excuses, that something is not done, or say the opposite of what they intend to take. They are not sincere, they lie out of habit.
There are two negative antithesis of self-confidence:
Firstly : redefining as narcissism: boasting, provocative, stressed secreted by sex, aggression
Secondly : underestimation as self-pity: the weakening of confidence, a feeling of weakness, failure, helplessness.
Four senses themselves form the foundation of our internal equilibrium: self-esteem, freedom, satisfaction and self-confidence. On the self-confidence and I want to talk. Self-confidence is different from the self-esteem. Self-confidence is a sense of self that is less likely caused by the self-esteem.
Section Two: The concept of self-esteem for students with Autism in mainstream schools.
2.1 The general features of self-esteem
To manifest self-esteem is to know what the human is worth for. Low self-esteem not only is detrimental to conversations with other people - shyness and jealousy, for example, they are almost always the result of low self-esteem, but also determines the mode of action of others against autistic, because people tend to make others to be what they think. Lack of self-esteem puts any student with autism at a disadvantage in society because the fear of being rejected usually makes him overly try to please others and fear to make them hurt. Of course, low self-esteem is directly related to confidence in the ability to socialize (Jerome eat al., 2002).
Causes of low self-esteem
Shyness and a sense of imminent failure can develop as a personal characteristic as a result of overly strict education or even lack of love. Autistic child sees parents look at him: if they do not try to raise him kindly, loving and confident, it is not surprising that becoming an adult; he is a "low-human". Often to the same representation of him as a human can be painted of childhood experiences, when the teasing made him believe that he is ugly.
Even a normal, self-confident student can suffer from wounded self-esteem when it fails in an important area for him. Failure to work or break relationships, while reducing the overall mood and reduce general confidence (Koller, 2000).
Moreover, students with autism are very prone to genuinely believe that having a belief in its real significance is doubtful. Autistic are brought up by the rule more to give than to take (because of high expectations), especially to meet the needs of others, even against its own.
The idea of helpfulness is a weak basis for establishing a successful life, but this particular position in some degree shared by many, maybe most students.
Behavior during temporary failures
When anyone experiences a severe blow to his vanity, teacher must first try to see student's failure in the true perspective as a tiny part of him and very short period of his life rather than the whole of life. Refer to other aspects of life in which the student had greater success. Concentrate energy in the region where it is unlikely to fail, and it will restore self-esteem (Magiati et al., 2007).
After the loss of prestige or self-esteem in the class or in social relationships, student may want to give up some other things just because it seems the easiest and fastest way to numb the personal wounds. This is a risky attempt, because they can lead to further failure. Probably better to wait until recover emotional balance.
Stages of improvement
No need to implement all the changes simultaneously. It is better to introduce them gradually over a period, giving the opportunity to student and others to adjust the changes in self-esteem. By the way autistic also need time to get used to the changed attitude of others. So they will become more noticeable, and it's rising of self-esteem, may at first confuse.
Changing student's attitude, teacher must list all his strengths and weaknesses in the perspective view. Some tasks, such as education, sport games can be long lasting, and it must be succeed. Now teacher may think further about individual nature of communication with other people of every student. Often, people feel insecure or inadequate attempt to compensate for this and behave, if they think that they were always and everywhere wrong.
These are highly critical of the other, the constant attempts to prove them wrong is usually devastating impact on self-esteem. If teacher notices a trend in student, he must accept the fact that sometimes he does wrong, but it does not give anyone a reason to judge.
The most important change is to change student's inner interrelationship. So it is important to think of students in terms of their positive qualities and define themselves. Autists must not to be self-critical. A person with low self-esteem striving to achieve the ideal and in this is the possibility of failure in everything they do. Congratulate student with the achievements and tolerance to random failures (Al-Salehi et al, 2009).
Science to be more self-confident
It is difficult to teach an autist of confidence, because in the traditional society people usually reject others who are different. Great if autist is not really tired of this role. However, the danger is that excessive pliability and prevents livable get the measure of emotional satisfaction that is possible. The fact that student cannot or will behave as if he cannot express to friend or colleague, what he actually wants.
Autists must learn to say "no" when he makes suggestions for which he previously would answer "yes", though against his wishes. If he is used to be doing something unpleasant, just because he wanted others to expect it, especially the relatives or other people with which he do not have anything to do, the teacher must help to break the habit. If the student is under pressure from anyone regularly, he will be depressed and unsatisfied. Perseverance is not aggressive. This is nothing more than an expression of the direction of student's feelings, and if he has other feelings and desires something different, they do not give a reason for criticism at a partner or other people.
Autists must not be afraid to ask about what they want. He can be taught to start with a small request to friends, for example, some small favor (in example: to ask a friend or relative to bring something when he goes shopping). Sometimes even these small requests are not met (other people also can be stubborn), but in the context of mastering the science of self-confidence are useful and such misfires as they bring the ability to correctly perceive the failure is not treating it as a serious flop (Higgins, 2005).
Practice decision-making is necessary and effective, act, so teacher must not waste time asking for their correctness. A good start would be the decision never to say "I do not care" if they ask which of the two options to prefer. If student prefers something, he must say so. Even if he does not really care about, teacher must immediately take certain decisions.
Sometimes it is necessary for students to make the deliberate risky decisions that are contrary to their character. They must think of them as "action." Teacher must allow them to, for example, seem withdrawn from themselves when the suitable case approaches. They probably can think that they simply do not dare to show their anger, and once they are convinced that if necessary, they are capable, it can become a magic bullet for reputation and self-confidence (Shaw-Zirt et al., 2005).
Student must make the effort to do something difficult for them, for example to start a conversation with a stranger or make a reasonable complaint. Sometimes students can hear the insult or even provoke a hostile reaction to scare each other, but more often they get a satisfying answer and reinforce self-confidence. When autist will win the confidence and feel freer in expressing his wishes of friends and acquaintances, he must start to show some great perseverance and social relationships (Weiss, 2002).
2.2 Strategies to promote self-esteem
Assessing students' strengths and weaknesses, it is necessary to make two lists. The first list includes positive intellectual, emotional and physical quality. In the second, list students' weaknesses - those features that teacher would like to see others, or to correct. In this case, teacher must remember:
Firstly : Precise in the definitions. Not to write, for example, just "good-natured" or "stubborn." Teacher must think about what he can consider of students in positive terms of good-natured (love, kind and patient).
Secondly : Resist the temptation to overlook or downplay students' strengths.
Finally : Include a list of positive qualities and traits of skills not directly related to autists' attitudes.
Strategies and methods of self-confidence and self-esteem implications (Ingersoll & Schreibman, 2006):
Objective: To build a positive self-concept, to develop empathy in interpersonal relationships.
Material: Posters with the phrase "It's really a confident person treats himself with respect" and "really confident person applies with respect to others; poster with positive qualities," star "on the number of participants; mirror.
Of the activity:
"I'm proud."
The lesson begins with a discussion of the phrase: "It's really a confident person treats himself with respect."
Participants are encouraged to close their eyes, imagine a sheet of paper, write thoughts on it the words "I am proud that I ...ยป, and then complete the proposal with various options. Discussing the results of exercise, leading introduces the concept of self-esteem (self-acceptance).
"The Star-esteem."
On a board hangs a poster with the positive qualities. Students are encouraged, based on these qualities to portray the star of their self-esteem follows. Choose from a list of and write them to a ray of stars that they are heard. Star can be in any way to decorate.
The poster may be listed the following qualities: activity, altruism, artistry, unselfishness, generosity, magnanimity, the will, kindness, friendliness, cheerfulness, diligence, intelligence, sincerity, curiosity, wisdom, optimism, wit, courage, compassion, honesty, friendliness, determination, romance, self-discipline, the ability to create, patience, tact, accuracy, smiling, the ability to be thankful for, the ability to understand, etc.
"Mirror".
Group to look at it, try to see the turns of each participant in the mirror and see all the strengths for which he is respected (parents, teachers, friends).
"For that I respect ..."
Talk about it: "It's really a confident person applies with respect to others."
Leading says teens that you cannot love a person, but respect him for this or that quality. Invite those students who think that they respect their friends, participate in the competition. To do this, select two members. They in turn ends with the sentence: "I respect (called the name of the training participants) for it (called quality). Repeat these parties.
Anyone who would think more than three seconds is considered a loser.
"Portrait"
Teacher asks the children to think, what qualities in other people, in their opinion, deserve respect, then reflect on whether they are present in them. You can "paint" oral "portrait" of their classmate, a teacher, a parent who is respected by most students.
"Think"
Students are invited to consider the question: "Does it ever since that person is not respected for what?" The discussion concluded that the view that some people do not respect what is wrong. Every person has "bright" side, although it is in this situation may not occur. Further, teenagers are choosing one of the participants and try to fantasize about what their unknown qualities for which one can respect, this teen shows at home or somewhere else (in case of emergency, etc.).
